On my way to my upper 40’s, it seems to be a reality that I do not remember how to lose weight. For more than a year I’ve really been trying. I’ve done the HCG diet, NutriSystem, worked out in the gym, walked, bicycled, practiced yoga, logged every bite on My Fitness Pal and yes, practiced “mindful eating”. I would loose maybe 5 or even 8 pounds, but, as soon as I strayed just a bit, 2 or 3 would come back on at once. What? How discouraging! Thus I have become a very disgruntled “dieter”!
I am now eager, anxious, and really so ‘freaking’ ready to have this RNY weight loss surgery in just about 2 1/2 weeks. Last night I was listing out potential “things” (aka: food) I would really miss, and honestly, having been through this before (via Lap Band surgery in 2006), I couldn’t really think of anything. The only thing that has ever truly bothered me to give up is coffee – that is NOT an option – life is too short! So, thank goodness for decaf because they say I can have that – phew!
Indeed it really frustrates me that my body seems dead set against losing weight. I talked to my surgeon about this and his reply was: “Well, you realize you suffer from Obesity, right? Well…that’s why.” Oh? Is that it? I thought obesity was a self-imposed punishment I created because I: lack willpower, have no discipline, use food to comfort myself, and so on. His response was: “You lost 95 pounds with your lap band before it “broke”, correct?” “Yes, well, yes…it took me 4 years, but sure, I did.” “Well, then you will lose even more than that with the RNY.” Ok! Bring it on.
So here’s what I’m feeling right now. I can beat the ever loving spirit out of myself by feeling like a failure. Or, I can commend myself for having once lost 150 pounds (55 on my own; 95 with the aid of a lap band) and say to myself: “Self….you did it once…you can do it again. You might even be better at it this time. Self…this is not a check list of do it and it’s done – it’s your lifetime. Self…we have to do this every day; 24/7; no holidays for those who suffer from obesity…just a life to live the best we can.
T minus 19 days and counting!