I do not remember how to lose weight!

On my way to my upper 40’s, it seems to be a reality that I do not remember how to lose weight. For more than a year I’ve really been trying.  I’ve done the HCG diet, NutriSystem, worked out in the gym, walked, bicycled, practiced yoga, logged every bite on My Fitness Pal and yes, practiced “mindful eating”. I would loose maybe 5 or even 8 pounds, but, as soon as I strayed just a bit, 2 or 3 would come back on at once.  What?  How discouraging!  Thus I have become a very disgruntled “dieter”!

I am now eager, anxious, and really so ‘freaking’ ready to have this RNY weight loss surgery in just about 2 1/2 weeks.  Last night I was listing out potential “things” (aka: food) I would really miss, and honestly, having been through this before (via Lap Band surgery in 2006), I couldn’t really think of anything.  The only thing that has ever truly bothered me to give up is coffee – that is NOT an option – life is too short!  So, thank goodness for decaf because they say I can have that – phew!

Indeed it really frustrates me that my body seems dead set against losing weight. I talked to my surgeon about this and his reply was:  “Well, you realize you suffer from Obesity, right? Well…that’s why.”  Oh?  Is that it?  I thought obesity was a self-imposed punishment I created because I:  lack willpower, have no discipline, use food to comfort myself, and so on.  His response was: “You lost 95 pounds with your lap band before it “broke”, correct?”  “Yes, well, yes…it took me 4 years, but sure, I did.”  “Well, then you will lose even more than that with the RNY.”  Ok!  Bring it on.

So here’s what I’m feeling right now.  I can beat the ever loving spirit out of myself by feeling like a failure.  Or, I can commend myself for having once lost 150 pounds (55 on my own; 95 with the aid of a lap band) and say to myself:  “Self….you did it once…you can do it again.  You might even be better at it this time.  Self…this is not a check list of do it and it’s done – it’s your lifetime.  Self…we have to do this every day; 24/7; no holidays for those who suffer from obesity…just a life to live the best we can.

T minus 19 days and counting!

 

Advertisements

About The Wellness Sleuth

Hi, my name is Kat and I live on the east coast in the southern US. I'm a mom of a grown-up human and a furry puppy. I am a Software Engineer, Coach and small busines owner. I published a book in 2007 and keep meaning to start on #2...so, maybe blogging will nudge me along! Please check out the "about" page at thewellnesssleuth.wordpress.com to learn more about this Wellness Sleuth.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to I do not remember how to lose weight!

  1. catijoefarm says:

    Eye opening. I, too, look at obesity as my fault. Never thought of it as a disease. My mom always used to say, “Lose the weight now because when you get older, it gets harder.” I’m looking at 53 in Nov and it’s also looking like a start to a new life. It’s funny though, I keep thinking that I won’t be able to lose the weight, probably because I haven’t been able to lose more than 50 lbs before. I need to snap out of that. Have a great day, from one Cat to another!

    • You will DEFINITELY lose weight with WLS, that’s for sure! The challenge will be later, keeping it off. That’s where I get anxious about. But, I know my plan and I know that there is no “just this once” for me anymore. There is probably “just a taste”, but not “just this once”. Remind me again which surgery you are having Cat?

  2. Barbara Anne says:

    I understand how you feel; it was so much easier to lose weight when we were younger. After my RNY on February 18th, the fat seemed to desert me like rats off a sinking ship- it’s like it was flinging itself off me! LOL

    It’s weird how much differently the weight loss occurs after the surgery as compared to just diet and exercise. I’m curious as to what you experience after RNY compared to your lap band. You’ll have a unique perspective for those considering either option.

    • You made a great point! I can blog about the differences in experience between the lap band and the RNY. Gosh, how lucky of me to be having a 2nd WLS…oh brother! But, I thank God for the option.

  3. I’ve done the calculations and I think you may be having your surgery today as I discover your blog. If so, warmest wishes for a smooth surgery and recovery. I am 14 days away from RNY surgery, myself and I wanted to say thank you for sharing your mixture of enthusiasm and determination not to feel the guilt that is so often heaped upon us. Even though I know the science behind both the reason for my size and the reason weight loss surgery works, I still find it difficult to handle the fact that the majority of the population don’t and so judge me harshly – for being the size I am now and for the choice I’ve made in trying to do something about it (damned if we do…)

    Again, thank you and my best wishes!
    Darcy.

    • Hi Darcy. Glad you happened upon my blog. I am just 3 days away from surgery so I hope I can share some of my experience with you as yours approaches shortly after!! I am not really nervous at all – a bit anxious, but mostly optimistic, cautious, and really just “ready”. Thanks so much for your wishes, I sure do appreciate it! -Kat

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s