I am thrilled that one month from today I will be being discharged from the hospital and officially be in my “bariatric afterlife.” It still feels odd to be “excited” for surgery, but what I have to remember is that I’m excited about changing my life; getting a fresh start; moving forward into health – not the actual surgery process!
I have been reading everything I can not only about the surgery and the weeks after, but more importantly, the lifetime after. I know that it is possible to loose all the weight you need to, then gain it back anyway. I have accepted, and welcome the fact, that for the rest of my life I will attend support groups, meet with a nutritionist, and do whatever else it is I need to do to become and STAY healthy.
Unlike the many people who have “tossed the scale”, I will actually be purchasing one and yes, becoming friends with it. For me, I don’t believe in the theory of “tossing the scale”, eating what I want only in moderation and only “when I’m hungry”, etc. I guess for me, that never worked. I admire people who that works for, however, when you are a Food Addict, you have to be diligent and stand watch – and indeed, this is me.
I accept that I’m going to have to think about food every day, face the battle every single time I want to put something on my taste buds that I shouldn’t.
Today I ate a glazed doughnut. Delicious and disgusting. Euphoric and guilt ridden. Truly not worth it. I did it because I did not think about it. I consciously chose to UNCONSCIOUSLY buy it and eat it. Those days are numbered. They are numbered at 29 to be exact.
Counting down. Anxiously waiting for the day. Ready, ready, ready.