I had my (failed) lap-band removed yesterday. I am so thankful that the surgery went well. My surgeon told me that worst case would be if he hits a complication and I need to stay overnight and best case is it takes less than two hours and everything “deconstructs” easily. I am very thankful to say I had the best-case! I am now lap-band free! My lap band failed from dilation in early 2012 so it’s been a real pain to live with that. I had to deflate it some time ago and of course, that made it really easy to eat what I wanted. It was like a free pass back to obesity. “Ugh”.
But, step 1 is now complete and I am now recovering from this surgery. In 7 or 8 more weeks I will have the gastric bypass done and I am very ready for this. I never thought I would get another weight loss surgery, but, since my band failed, I have been trying trying trying to loose weight, exercise, etc. to no avail. I have come to realize that I do need a tool to help me (as the lap band once did) and I know I can do this. I also am keenly aware I need to address my food addiction once again. I truly did have it under control for about ten years, but then, it just sort of crept back in. For me, I met a guy, fell in love, and sort of stopped focusing on “me” I guess.
I think with food addiction vs. other addictions is that we don’t “notice” it very quickly. An alcoholic will know right away if they have fallen – they take one sip of one drink, but a food addict – not so much. We have a little something of this or that and we believe we can stop there. We believe “I just won’t do that again tomorrow”, but – we do. We just do. I don’t mean to imply that having any other addiction is better or worse, because I don’t know the answer to that. I just know that addictions suck.
Obesity is a side effect of addiction. I have come to accept that in these past few weeks as I’ve prepared for my lap band removal. Just like bankruptcy is a side effect of a spending addiction or liver disease is a side effect of an alcohol addiction – food addiction has its side effects – and obesity is it.
With that said, I am lap band free and ready (so ready) to have a fresh start. Am I anxious about doing a gastric bypass to this body God gave me? Of course. But I’m also grateful that we have these things available to help us. It almost stuns me when I think that my parent’s generation didn’t know if there would be dinner on the table and my generation can get food anytime, almost anyplace, and junk food is cheap and abundant (but I will write a separate blog post on that subject later!).
For now – I take my pain pills today and hope to feel better as the day progresses. I am spending the summer preparing for big changes and committing to losing 10 pounds before the big surgery in August.
My next blog post will have another confession…!
Here’s to health and happiness,