This is the first post of my brand new blog. As I begin I can’t help but ask myself “What happens next?”
Coincidentally this is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite songs I Dare You to Move by Switchfoot. What’s better than getting a dare right? Well, probably a lot of things – but I always love a challenge. I almost had to dare myself to begin this blog because of course, like many blogs, it’s more of an expression or release for us, the blog writer, more than for the reader. I’m asking myself: Who’s going to care about anything I have to say? Who’s going to get anything out of this? Who will even read it? Then I realized – that doesn’t matter. I’m writing this to candidly speak up about something that I’ve journeyed with my entire life; something that has been at the forefront of every step I’ve taken; something that has beat me up, held me back, and sent me plummeting into the pit of doom too many times: my body, my size, my weight. But here I am today saying to myself: “I dare you move. I dare you to get up off the floor. Again!”
I’m almost 48 years old and I’ve been on the floor so many times. What picked me up? Courage. Plain and simple – nothing but courage.
I will start this first post with the candid, courageous truth: I have been addicted to food for as long as I can remember (and probably even before that). I have been almost 200 pounds overweight. In 2006 I had lap band surgery and it took me a long time, but I lost 150 pounds. In 2012, my lap band failed (it essentially busted) and since then I have gained back 50 pounds.
I thought seriously about giving up this time. I thought seriously about just trying to “live” like this and accept that I will have a miserable, unhealthy, short life. I tried to just quit. But that was like trying to NOT to be who I am. I tried NOT to be courageous Kat. But I can’t. I know I can’t do it. Because, most of the time, I’d rather be dead than fat. That’s the candid truth. That’s the candid truth of a Food Addict talking.
The reason I started this blog is because I hope my journey I’m about to embark upon, AGAIN, can help someone out there. Even just one person. Even if that one person is just myself. My journey with my (failed) lap band will end June 17, 2014 when it will finally be removed. My new journey will begin approximately eight weeks later when I get another weight loss surgery (WLS) – which they call “A Revision”. A Revision – isn’t that a nice idea for life? This time, I will have the Gastric Bypass.
In the meantime, I am facing that I am a Food Addict and I need to learn how to live with that. I know how to lose weight – I’ve done it before. What I don’t know how to do is never eat ice cream or chocolate again. That is what I want to be courageous enough to learn.
I am preparing to pick myself up off the floor. I hope someone out there will join me in the journey.